belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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