Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I died a long time ago.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
