even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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