no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
