Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
