i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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