I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
