Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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