She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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