Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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