i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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