I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
