I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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