I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
