Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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