I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
