Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
