what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
