Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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