Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
