Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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