i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
