Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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