Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i love accidental penises.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
