I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
