U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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