i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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