i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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