I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
