I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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