I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
