just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
