walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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