# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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