i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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