so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize