I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
