well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
