we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
