if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
