All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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