Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
