physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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