i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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