oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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