I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
