i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
