is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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