so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
