You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
