good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
