you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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