She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
