i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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