You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
