from now on my penis is your penis
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
