if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
