come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
