You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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