Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
