Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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