Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
