Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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