Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
FUCK WHALES
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
