I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
