Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
