don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
