The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
