her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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