Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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