There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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