After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
