You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
