Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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