And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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