i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
