dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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