tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
