Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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