I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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