i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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